Chemo 2.10 and 2.11

Posted Jun 11, 2016 12:54pm

I’m a disaster. I don’t even know.
Since my last update, the “normal” cancer marker bounced up again (not a lot, but in the “red zone”), so I sent myself into a funk yet again. I had chemo and blood work on Thursday, but I haven’t even checked the numbers because they are making me crazy. Too much of a roller coaster.
I did have a scan last week, and that was good. Everything is stable, no active cancer. It took me 5 days to gather the courage to read that report, and I ended up doing so because no one had called me from my doc’s office. I figured no news was good news? Yes, this is good, but not good enough! I just want those numbers to be normal! I am sick of losing my hair, sick of this rash, sick of the fatigue, sick of the worry and anxiety and everything else.
But stop it, Maria. Seriously. You are doing well. Yeah yeah yeah, but my patience is wearing thin.
My doc wants me to be on this treatment for another 2-3 months. 1) to see if the cancer numbers get to normal; 2) because this treatment is working and I’m handling it fine (ha); 3) because we don’t want to stop chemo too soon. She’s thinking, let’s get to another scan, and if that scan is stable and my numbers are stable (even if they aren’t “normal”), maybe that’s my baseline and we can move to some kind of maintenance treatment.
I also asked her to talk to the specialist I saw at Fox Chase, just to touch base and to see if he had any other words of wisdom.
I’m trying to stay positive.
It’s not easy.
I guess life was never supposed to be easy.

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