Can you even believe it? My sixth treatment already. Two more after this, and then more scans.
Pushing chemo back a week this time around has been freaking me out. I am scared that it will mess everything up somehow. Things have been going well, and I don’t want to backtrack. I’m scared to think about what that even means. I worry about the future. All. The. Time. I suppose none of us can predict the future, though, whether we have cancer or not. No one knows when their time will be up. It’s not like we walk around with All Dogs Go to Heaven watches or anything like that.
But Alexander and I have a conversation with God every night. We say, “Mommy needs a lot more years on this planet. She needs to teach Alexander so many things.” Alexander is always looking at and talking to the angels in our house, so I tell him to put in a good word, also. The other night Alexander put his little hands on my cheeks, looked right at me, and said “goo” when we were praying, and I swear it was like he was saying, “good”. Like everything will be good.
And it will.
Because I have a lot of things to do. I need to be at both of my sisters’ weddings. I need to take Xander to Disney World. We need to visit Tim’s family in Hawaii again, with Xander. I need to go to Italy with my mom (if I can talk her into it). I plan on being at all of Alexander’s parent-teacher conferences. You know – I just have things to do!
So, as I sit here letting the chemo poison drip into my body, I pray and pray and pray that things keep working.