Don’t freak out yet.

Posted Nov 10, 2016 10:33pm

Seriously, don’t freak out yet. (That might be me talking to myself.)

I had my scan on Monday and the results were maybe not good. There are several lymph nodes that are now “acting up” that never were before. The report says “disease progression”, which are the two words no person with cancer ever ever ever wants to hear. Or read. Or think about. I had an appointment with Dr. Joshi today and she walked in all ready to stop today’s treatment and get me started on something new. She says the scan indicates that my cancer has become resistant to the current chemo cocktail, so no need to continue with that. But, she has already consulted with Dr. ElDeiry at Fox Chase and they are recommending a pill drug that usually attacks rogue cancer.

And then I interrupted her. Hey, doc, remember I started mistletoe therapy last week? Remember, mistletoe is supposed to stimulate your immune system, which parties along with your lymph nodes. Could that be what’s going on? Also, I have already checked my cancer tumor markers, and they are stable and decreased, respectively. In fact, new blood work from TODAY indicates that one marker is still stable, and the other one is STILL decreasing. Isn’t that weird? Don’t you think that the markers would increase if there was new cancer?

Dropped the mic, am I right?

She wasn’t convinced and I don’t blame her. **** can happen real fast. I’m not entirely convinced either; I’m worried (understatement of my life), but kind of not overwhelmed at all. So, we continued my treatment today, because there is NO WAY I was going home without treatment, just to wait up to TWO WEEKS until the new pill is approved, yada yada yada. And, I really don’t want to start something new if we are unclear of what is happening right now. We have a biopsy scheduled for Monday to see if the activity in my lymph nodes is in fact cancer, or not.

If it is cancer, we have a new plan.

If it isn’t, we continue with the old. (Including the mistletoe, either way. Smooch.)

I feel OK with all of this, even if it is for the moment. I don’t want to “over-hope”, but hope feels a lot better than despair.

Speaking of hope. Shoot. You guys are awesome. Like, so very awesome. If you are a Facebook user, you have probably seen the go-fund-me account updated and re-posted, mostly to help out with the mistletoe therapy. I continue to be humbled – humbled hard! – by the kindness and generosity around me, even during a week where so much negativity is being posted all over the place.

So, thank you. Thank you for donations. Prayers. Support. Love. Reading this and participating in this journey of mine. I don’t know if I deserve it all, and I don’t know how to say thank you enough and I don’t know how to pay it back. But despite my very scary reality, my heart sings today. And it is because of you. And Alexander.

Oh, and here’s the link: https://www.gofundme.com/marialazz

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