So the days leading up to my scan had me a bit of an anxious mess. Thanks for the prayers. I knew I cold count on carepages buddies for the lift. Sorry to keep you waiting regarding the results, but I wanted to wait until I spoke with my doctor.
I read my scan report on Friday afternoon, after an awesome morning with Alexander at the museum. And weird enough, I felt so. much. better. after reading the report. Why is that? The anticipation is awful, but as soon as you have SOME sort of information, all is well. Or at least Maria feels some peace.
Scan showed mixed results. Those specks in my lungs? There are more. Some of the nodules are bigger. But everything else is stable. Lymph nodes haven’t changed. Also, weirdly enough, the dead-cancer-scar-tissue-tumor-lesions (what are they, really???) in my liver have shrunk. Like, all of them. This is weird because they have kind of been stable and just “there” for about 2 years.
So. The lungs. That’s not really great. But let me tell you, WAYYYYY better than the dream I had Thursday night, which consisted of my doctor telling me the cancer was everywhere and pointing out some specific spots in the bones in my legs. No one wants to wake up with that nightmare.
But let’s talk about the good things:
1) Liver lesions. Smaller.
2) Cancer markers. Still stable.
3) Lymph nodes. Stable.
4) The spots in my lungs, although they have increased in quantity and size, are still tiny. And my lungs are functioning fine. I took Alexander to jump at the trampoline park today for an hour and felt normal.
5) We have a plan. Actually, some options for a plan.
I kind of thought I was going to be taking a pill called Regorafenib, which I wasn’t thrilled about. I just don’t have a great feeling. Like, not convinced. But after talking to my doc today, she is thinking in different terms. She has proposed a couple of options. Just to recap, my current treatment is called “FOLFIRI plus Erbitux”. Option 1 would be “FOLFIRI plus Zaltrap (or maybe Avastin)”. Option 2 would be “FOLFOX plus Avastin”. When I was first diagnosed, I was on “FOLFOXIRI plus Avastin”, so none of the drugs in Option 2 are particularly new to me…just haven’t been on them in over a year. That version kind of sounds right to me, as Option 1 isn’t changing much. Maybe this cancer needs a swift punch in the face, in terms of a solid switch in treatment. Both options are still infusions, and both options feature my lovely “snack pack” chemo bag, but I feel a little more comfortable staying on a chemo combo at this point. One little pill? Makes me nervous.
Ok, so that’s another strange thought, isn’t it? I kind of would LOVE to be on a pill (or on nothing), but I feel like I need to kick the cancer down again first. I hate chemo. I hate the snack pack. But I feel much safer on them.
Oh, and this is the best part! With either of those options above, I would not be taking Erbitux. Guys, Erbitux is the rash drug. I HATE the rash. HATE. I mean, nothing like waking up to your entire face on fire and full of pimples and bumps. Trying to soothe and cover it up and maintain some kind of “normalcy” or whatever has been tough. I know for a fact that I have cried more times because of this hideous rash than I did when my hair fell out. Actually, I don’t even think I EVER cried about my hair. The rash, though. I honestly can’t wait to have my face back. I don’t know how long it will take because I have been on Erbitux since January 2016, but can only hope that it calms down considerably before Spain. The last three days it has been bad. REAL bad. Sore. Itchy. Burning. Hideous. And I can’t wait to minimize my cream and make-up routine. I so very much want to be a low-maintenance lady again. Or at least lower-maintenance. You know what? I’m even ok with LESS rash. If I have a little bit of irritation or dryness or even a few pimples, GREAT! Seriously, if you haven’t seen my face in awhile (all “face” jokes aside), you would probably cringe.
Every now and again, though, Xander says I’m pretty. God bless that child. Today he told me my hair was pretty (although he may have been telling me that to get me out of the bathroom to play. I’ll still take it!).
Did I say this yet? No, I guess not. So after being on the phone with doctors and nurses and schedulers for about 3 hours today, Fox Chase has kindly offered me a “squeeze-in” appointment tomorrow morning. Nothing like last-minute cancellations with work and getting Xander’s sitter on board. So, we will see what they say there, and that will help the decision-making process.
On that note, I’m off to bed. We have to leave at the crack of dawn tomorrow.