November 29, 2014

I haven’t written in a few days, mostly because my days have been pretty good and I haven’t just been sitting on the couch or in bed. That’s right. This girl has been on the move. I have run some errands, like taking Xander to the doctor and going to the grocery store! I have had the energy to walk up and down the basement stairs to do laundry! I even took Alexander to a baby shower, just him and me, like old times. It made me feel normal.

Thanksgiving was good! I was tired and took a nap after dinner, but who doesn’t? We spent some time playing cards and enjoying ourselves. You know, more normal things. It’s almost silly to write any of this because, honestly, it’s just plain normal. And boring, even. Thank God I have had some “boring” days!

So I put on normal clothes on Thursday, for the first time in a couple weeks probably (by “normal”, I mean not leggings and a big sweatshirt). And holy crap, I look like a skeleton. Not really that bad, I guess; and like my mom says, I am my worst critic. But holy crap, I have no muscle tone. My arms and legs look skinny(er) and I have this gross belly from my enlarged liver. My jeans, which I just bought in August, were just hanging off of me. I swear, they fit fine 3 weeks ago. Ugh. I cried. Tim told me he loves me no matter what I look like. This I know, but holy crap. I didn’t think I had lost so much weight/tone/whatever. I know things will get better and I probably shouldn’t even complain about this, but I just had not realized how much I have changed.

My hair still looks good.

Tomorrow I have another baby shower to go to (normal!) and then Monday is a chemo day. I almost look forward to chemo because I know it is killing this cancer. But I am also anxious about it, and side effects, etc. So I am going to enjoy tomorrow and then put on my warrior face for Monday. Grrr!

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