Posted Aug 29, 2015 9:18pm

Hi there, CarePages. I haven’t seen you in…well…awhile? Sorry, I’ve been too busy being awesome.
Yep. I have been feeling good, things have been going pretty well medically, and life is beautiful. My hemogoblins have been up in the 10’s for my last two blood work checks (normal is 11.7-15 or something like that)! They probably haven’t been that high since before I was pregnant! Those little goblin buggers. No wonder I feel good!
In the meantime, cancer markers in my blood are still going down. Good. Adios, suckers. I don’t think I every posted actual numbers here but this is where we are right now:
Cancer marker CA 9-19 was more than 34,000 when I started treatment back in November. Now it is 118. Cancer marker CEA started at >15,000 (whatever that means) and is now 72. Still elevated, but not so astronomically. But numbers have gone down every time. Every. Time. I thank God for that every day, and continue to pray for those numbers to keep fading.
And I am back at work! One day a week at the IU, and one day a week for Birth-3. I’m hoping this will be a good balance of work and Xander time, and going back to work makes me feel a little more normal.
Alexander is just amazing. I love watching him learn; it really is wonderful how he is interested in the tiniest things (that we all take for granted). For example, almost every time we go for a walk I pick him a leaf off of a tree and hand it to him. He smiles like he just got the best Christmas present of all time, and waves the leaf around like it is a treasure (until he notices something else and drops it). He is walking and climbing and imitating and waving and tantrum-ing and getting into everything and I love it all. Even when he *almost* drops the baby monitor into the toilet. (His free hand ended up in the toilet, but I got there in time to save the monitor.) It is true what they say about a mother’s love: completely unconditional. I never even knew I had an empty spot in my heart until Alexander filled it.
Despite all these good things, I still find myself holding so much anxiety. I feel like I live a life of worry. I know I’m supposed to trust God and live every moment with love and peace and kindness and hope and joy – and I sure do try. But I can’t help thinking about the unknown. And sometimes I feel so broken-hearted and just plain pissed off. The meds are working, but I still have stupid side effects. And my liver is still a disaster. I have another PET scan on Tuesday and my Sloan appointment is the following week, so those are my worries at the moment. Sloan is basically a consultation, but it just sucks to have SO MANY APPOINTMENTS. Ugh, I hate the hospital. And I hate this PET scan diet (no carbs, no sugar). I’ve only been on it for half a day and I just want a freakin’ bagel.
But, speaking of diets. My friend Mindi suggested ages ago that I include a recipe in my updates, since I have been trying so many new things in an effort to create a body in which cancer cannot survive. So here’s my latest:

Cashew cream:
1 1/4 C raw cashews, soaked in water in the fridge for an hour or two.
3/4 C water
2 tsp vanilla

Rinse and drain cashews. Throw all ingredients in a blender on high for 1-2 minutes. Yummy over berries, and/or with pancakes or waffles. Kid approved! It kind of functions like a fruit dip.

Zucchini muffins:
*My only changes include omitting the honey completely (I tried a couple versions, and I think the banana sweetens them enough). Also, instead of chocolate chips, I buy a good quality dark chocolate bar (like 86% cacao) and chop up 3 squares. These are also good with the cashew cream!!

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