Thank goodness summer is here! We just spent the morning at the playground in this beautiful weather!
I had a scan yesterday, and I managed to retrieve the balls to read it just now. All is stable. Nothing new. The report was fantastically short. I am thanking God with all of my heart and soul. I have been a little (ha ha. “A little”) on edge with this new treatment, since it has me feeling pretty yucky. Also, since February or so, my cancer marker numbers have been going up a bit. Slowly, and not much, but still (CEA: 11 to 23, CA19-9: 20 to 25). So, of course, worry worry worry. I know, give God all your worries and fears and anxieties. I sure try, but it is HARD.
Since the first full dose, we have decreased all meds to 80%. I had treatment last Thursday, and although I didn’t feel good, I didn’t throw up either. I was able to eat the whole weekend. I’m hoping that between the reduced dose and figuring out anti-nausea meds and maybe my body just getting used to the new combo, things will just get better from here. Also, I still have hair. Thin, but there. And curly again! Like old lady hair. But whatever, it’s still there. I kind of expect it to fall out again, but who knows. Maybe my body is so used to the poison at this point. Oh, and guys – the rash is SO NOT THERE! It’s not gone – in fact, maybe I have scarring?? I definitely have milia, especially around my eyes. But I can put a bit of make-up on and good to go! The other day I ran into a couple of people I haven’t seen in awhile…first thing both of them said was “Wow, your face looks so good!” So glad I’m not a leper anymore.
We are headed to the beach on Friday – Tim’s mom and her sisters rented a house in Kitty Hawk, so Xander and I are tagging along. They even invited my mom so I have a buddy to drive with (Tim can’t take off work), which is so kind. I’m so glad the scan showed good things so I can really enjoy my long weekend.
In preparation for the lengthy drive, we went to the library to get some books on CD. I was reading a review on one of the books, and it got me thinking. Of course I can’t remember the title/author of the book, but it was based on a true story about a young brain surgeon who was diagnosed with stave IV cancer (I didn’t choose this book because, clearly, too close to home, am-i-right?). Anyway, the review talked about how his cancer diagnosis changed everything and nothing. Truth. Seriously, cancer does kind of change all perspective-taking, which in turn changes everything. But also, life still goes on, and lots of things are the same. Like I still have to go to the dentist and get my oil changed and pay bills and buy new underwear. And I still love to hang out with friends and practice yoga and take breaks like going to the beach!
Another thing about this review got me thinking. It said that the biggest change cancer gives you is your perspective on the future. Like, 4 years ago, I was planning all things for the future – looking years ahead. Cancer kind of takes that away, and instead you’re left with an ongoing “present”. Which makes total sense to me. It also helps explain why I can’t make decisions about big things, like moving to a different house. Makes. Total. Sense.
Anyway, I’ve been interrupted about 5,328 times since I started to write this entry a good two hours ago, and I’ve kinda lost my steam. And my point. But whatevs.
Happy summer, ya’ll.