To the mama I don’t even know

To the mama I don’t even know:

I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.  I don’t even know where you are from!  But I just saw your post through a friend on Facebook, and my heart breaks for you.  And part of my own “therapy” is to write, so tonight I write to you.

(Guys, from what I gather, this mama lost her 2-year-old daughter who was waiting for a heart transplant…AND had a baby.  All within the last month.)

I just spent the last hour sobbing and praying for you – and for your family – but mostly, for you.  I can’t even imagine what you are going through right now.  I literally pounded my fists into the ground for you.  I wanted to scream, and I would have, but everyone else in my house is sleeping.  I asked God (50+ times), “Why??  How?”  I could give you dozens of bible verses and words of peace and encouragement, but right now, I’m just going to question the fairness of this crazy life we all live.

I reason with God all the time.  I have stage IV cancer and a 3-year-old, so I get it.  Well, not really.  I mean, I can’t help but think about having to leave my own child.  But for him to leave me?  I can’t even.  Like, I can’t even write about that.

My situation is no picnic.  I pray constantly.  I ask why. I get mad.  I have become REALLLLLYYY good at crying.  But tonight I didn’t cry for me, or for my family, or for my situation.  I cried for you.

I’m not asking for my own dose of pity, or empathy, or any of that “I’m so sorry” crap.  I’m just letting you know that, even though I don’t know you, I care.  I mourn for you, for your loss, in a way that is tangibly similar to how I mourned my own “loss of what was expected”, if you will.  I just can’t get the image of you with your sweet family out of my head.

I will keep praying for you.  For some kind of peace.  For unending love and support of those around you.  For whatever you need, at whatever moment in the future.

All my love,
Maria

 

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