Back to the Drawing Board

I’m so due for a blog post.  If you see me on a regular basis, you know that I have been somewhat of a disaster.  Lynn (Lynparza) has been a bitch.  I have felt fatigue that I haven’t felt in ages – like having-to-sit-down-to-dry-my-hair-in-the-bathroom tired.  I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t affecting my quality of life.  On top of the fatigue, I have been having the strangest aches and pains and digestive discomfort and, in general, I’ve been miserable for weeks.  I requested blood work a couple weeks ago, which showed a rise in my cancer markers; this, in turn led to a PET scan.

I haven’t had a PET scan in probably a year and a half, at least.  We’ve been relying on CT scans for awhile now.  So, this PET scan showed new things – nodules in my lungs (which we knew about), several “active” lymph nodes, and possibly a couple bones in my spine (although my doctor isn’t sure about these).  So, back to the drawing board.  IV chemo, here we come.

Here’s the thing.  I knew I would have to go back.  Clearly, this situation is not ideal, nor is it a picnic, but at least I know WHEN I’m going to feel tired and crappy, and I can work my life around that.  Also, this chemo has worked every time in the past, so we just pray that it works again.

My mind is in a better place than it was a week ago.  Sometimes it is a relief just to have a plan and feel some kind of control.  For awhile there, I felt like everything was spiraling completely out of my reins and I had absolutely no energy to manage it all.  Moving forward, though.

We are headed to the Outer Banks on Saturday with my best girls from high school and our families.  10 kids, 9 adults (thanks Janine, for tipping the scale!).  It is going to be NUTS but I am so looking forward to it.  We planned this a year ago, knowing full well that I might not even be around for it (although no one said it out loud!).  But here I am, and I’m freakin’ going to enjoy the sand and the sun and the kids and the company and I am going to let nature and love work some healing magic on my body, mind and soul.  And I already know that it is going to clear out all of the stress and junk that has been festering inside me so I am ready to accept that chemo and let it work its magic.