Asking too much?

People have been reaching out to check in on me, which means it is probably time for a post.  It has been maybe a month-ish since I have posted?  Which means it has also been one whacked out 4-week-long roller-coaster ride.  Some things better, and some things….well, some things.

I finished up radiation and it really messed me up – more than I anticipated.  The whole time on radiation, I wasn’t having any other treatments so as not to compound possible side effects.  Good thing.

After radiation, we switched up some pain meds and tried a short-term steroid, which motivated my butt into gear a little bit.  A couple weeks on that bad boy helped TREMENDOUSLY.  Went back off of it for awhile because of the possibility of starting a clinical trial, and started to feel crummy again.

The clinical trial – at NIH – fell through because there is no good/safe spot for them to get a biopsy.  Crap.  One of the reasons I have NOT started back on meds was the possibility of that trial (most trials require a 4-week wash-out period of all other meds and treatments).  But, Hershey is awesome and has my chemo lined up for me on Thursday.

Yep.  Chemo.  My good old friend.  Why chemo?
1) Chemo has been my best bet in the past.  Especially when I was first diagnosed, I was a great “responder”.

2) I’ve been off of chemo for SIX months.  Is that crazy, or what?? That time “off” might just be the ticket to “reset” my body and re-sensitize the cancer to the chemo.

3) During that time “off”, I’ve been on a PARP inhibitor, which literally is supposed to change the cancer’s DNA.  Change hopefully means damage and increased sensitivity to that chemo and increased death to cancer cells.

4) Also during my “off” time, I’ve been on immunotherapy.  That alone could have changed my immune system to make it more aware that cancer is the bad guy…so go get it.

5) I kind of know what to expect.  I’ve been on chemo.  I know what the side effects could be.  So, let’s pray for the absence of these possibilities:
-general “crappiness”
-stomach pain and cramping
-diarrhea or constipation
-hair loss
-mouth/throat sores

This chemo plan is a little bit different than past “plans”, but I can have similar expectations.  I will be on FOLFOX plus Avastin this time.  Past combos included FOLFIRI plus Avastin and FOLFOXIRI plus Avastin (you can tell they are all related, right?)

Am I happy? No way.  Is it a plan?  Yes.  Am I trying to envision those pac-man guys eating the cancer cells again? For sure.  Am I scared?  Yes.  But I’m more scared of NOT having a plan. Right now, I need for this chemo to work again.  I need so badly to have some kind of an immediate sign that it is working.  For my mind’s sake, and for the sake of my poor family.  Am I basically asking for chemo to work efficiently on those cancer cells without wreaking havoc on the rest of my body? Yes.  Yes I am.  Is that asking too much?

10 thoughts on “Asking too much?

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  1. No it’s not to much to ask Maria! I’m hoping that the time off of it then getting back on it will be the answer to kicking those cancer cells butts! Maria, I’d say I would pray for you but instead I will pray for chemo to do what it’s supposed to do! Stay strong and positive lady! Love you!


  2. Maria, I want you to know that I wish you with all my might the best results this chemo regimen can offer!!! You are one awesome Lady and Cancer Warrior!!!!
    Everyone who knows you, loves you and has your back!!!!!!!
    ❤️ Linda


  3. You are NOT asking too much! All things are possible through Jesus Christ…I will continue to pray for you Maria…I love you 💘


  4. Oh my sweet friend. The good thing like you said is that your sticking with the same “family” of treatments and can expect similar side effects. I’m glad radiation is over. Thinking of you.


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